someone owes me an orgasm
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
