So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
