dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I take back everything I said about communal showers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
