now i know why i became what i already was.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
