My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will pee on everything he values.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
