I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
