i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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