i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
