i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize