I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have already put on my inside pants.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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