Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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