carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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