so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
