There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
