How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
