Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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