Pappa wants mamma naked
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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