apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
