she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
