You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
