Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
