I want to have your abortion
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
