im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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