Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
