I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My vagina is officially offended.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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