All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
