The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
