After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
