He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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