i think i have herpe
just one?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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