well you can't waste a boner
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
