He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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