when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
