i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
