I can tuck mytits in my pants
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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