I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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