well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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