That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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