i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
