Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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