There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My feet surprised me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
