it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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