Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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