I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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