It's like God shit irony all over that family
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
