You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize