apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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