I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
