Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
