How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
