highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
