she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
