i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
