I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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