Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
