I wanna bring you to show and tell
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
