Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
