There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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