found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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