omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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