Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
