Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
