And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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