How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The best revenge is premature balding
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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