i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
