I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize