Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
