Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
cat food counts as protein by the way
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
