Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
