so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
