If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
