so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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