Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
