areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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