I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
