Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
