i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
