My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
