i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sobbing to NWA
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
