I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found the puke drawer
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
