Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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