I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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