his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize