dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
