On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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