After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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