She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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