I wanna bring you to show and tell
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize