Will you blow on my dice?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
